Dive 51: A Happier life needs the right kind of Authenticity
Hey, it’s Alvin!
I finally landed the job I wanted all these years. And you can too. I’ll show you how. But this isn’t just about job hunting…
Last time, we explored why “fake it ‘til you make it” leads to a life of misery.
So, what’s the key to a more fulfilling, meaningful life?
Authenticity.
But what does Authenticity mean?
“Authenticity,” “be yourself,” and “stay true to yourself,” are generic words and phrases that mean different things to different people. But my definition is simple:
To live life Authentically is to live a life in line with:
Your values
Your likes and dislikes
Your strengths and weaknesses
In this sense, “be yourself” does not mean “don’t change,” or “don’t improve.”
It means being honest about who you are and making the most of what you’ve got. Sounds simple, right? But many people fail anyway because they don’t know how it works in practice.
I’ll show you how I applied an Authentic approach to my job searches to land the exact job I wanted. This is for you if you’re struggling to land your dream job. But don’t be mistaken. This isn’t just about job searches. This is about applying an Authentic approach to get what matters most to you to live a life that’s meaningful to you.
The Job Search
For several years of my career, I had ZERO luck with my job searches. I’d apply to dozens of job postings. Recruiters would reach out to me, but I wouldn’t get the job. When I got interviews, I’d be out after the first or second round. I was fraught with imposter syndrome because I was playing a character I thought the interviewers wanted. But it wasn’t me. My “fake it ‘til you make it” approach didn’t work.
It was time for an Authentic approach.
Question 1: What are your values?
I asked myself what my values were. What did I believe in? I knew I valued autonomy, mastery, and purpose. I also valued deeper relationships with my closest friends and family members. That meant finding a position that wouldn’t take away too much of my personal time. So, I had to find a job in line with those values as much as possible.
Question 2: What are your likes (and dislikes)?
Whether I liked a job position depended on how well I could live by my values. So, during my job searches and interviews, I started paying closer attention to how well the team and company supported work-life balance.
I know, I know. ALL companies say they support it these days.
I needed more than lip service.
For example, I needed to know whether the manager and team lead would push back on silly demands. It meant finding out how they’d handle requests from clients and executives. If they didn’t seem capable of pushing back on unreasonable demands, then the team would more likely be flooded with extra, meaningless work that eats into time I could be spending with my loved ones.
What kinds of processes did the team have in place? If there’s no process or if it’s a mess, then mistakes are more likely to happen. More mistakes mean more rework. Rework often means overtime.
You get the idea.
Question 3: What are your strengths (and weaknesses)?
I knew what I valued and what I liked/disliked. But I also had to be honest about my strengths and weaknesses. You’re just more likely to succeed by playing to your strengths. “Play the hand you’re dealt.” Because your unique combination of strengths can give you an “unfair advantage” over others. So, it’s important to know your strengths and believe in them.
In terms of a job search, it meant looking for companies that needed the specific set of strengths I had. I was a backend developer for most of the decade, so backend skills were my strengths. Some websites suggest listing all your skills on your LinkedIn profile and résumé. Nowadays, I only list recent ones I use most often.
My profile was set—aligned with my values, likes, and strengths.
That’s what it means to be Authentic during the job search. But you still have to be Authentic preparing for the interview…
The Interview Prep
One day, a recruiter contacted me about an opportunity. He said my credentials look great and asked if I’d interview with the team he represented. The job description looked like a fit. I was pumped, so I said, “yes.”
Here’s where Authenticity differs from fakery.
Preparing for the interview was less work and much less stressful. When I was acting like a “good candidate,” there was a lot of mental gymnastics to get into the head of a character. I didn’t need to do that anymore because I’m just speaking from my heart now.
Planning questions for the interviewers also became more fun and engaging. In the past, I’d just ask generic, canned questions from interview prep websites because I didn’t really know what I wanted out of my career. I’d even waste time asking about meaningless, superficial things like titles. In fact, I used to ask questions during interviews just as a formality.
Because when I was busy playing a character; I saw the interview as a one-way performance.
With my Authentic approach, the interview became a two-way conversation.
Speaking of which…
The Interview
During the interview, there was a question I struggled with.
I could have lied, pretending to know the answer. And BS-ing a solution. I probably would have tried faking it if I were playing a character that knew the answer. Some candidates do that.
But this time, I approached the struggle with Authenticity.
I told the manager and tech lead I wasn’t familiar with the problem they presented. To my surprise, they patiently worked it out with me! They helped me understand the parts of the problem I wasn’t clear about, so we could discuss the pros and cons of a potential solution to the problem. The support I got from them was a huge green flag. I knew they were a good team aligned with my values and likes. And guess what? They felt the same way.
The team offered me the job the very next day.
The very first time I applied this Authentic approach to my job search, I landed a job with some of the best people I ever worked with in a decade. We understand each other, share the same values, and work well together.
Of course, Authenticity goes beyond a career. I know from experience that it can lead to greater contentment and fulfillment every day. If you do it right.
When I was a kid, I knew how to make friends with almost everyone. At least, I could get along well with others. It was never a challenge. But to do that, sometimes I’d have to say and do things I didn’t believe in just to be liked. That’s the price of likability. Make of that what you will about social media. Friends like that can be pleasant, but…
I also made a few friends over the years with whom I could just be myself. Sometimes, I can be a crazy, quirky fellow, and we’d all have a good laugh about it. They wouldn’t bat an eye. Sometimes, I’d have some fringe opinion on something. They’d listen, and we’d discuss it. Sometimes, I just needed help with something, and they’d be there to help. When you have friends who accept you for who you are, you never feel lonely.
Having friends who accepted who I was—flaws and all—put me at ease. That, in turn, let me be more authentic. The moments I spent with those friends were the happiest in my life. That’s just not something I can do when I have to play a character who can’t afford to look weird in the eyes of others.
All I know is if I had one phone call to make, I know which friend I’d be calling.
So, living Authentically doesn’t just improve your chances of success in life. Living Authentically also leads to a happier life, especially when compared to a life of fakery.
Attaining it is simple, but not easy. All you have to do is know:
Your values
Your likes and dislikes
Your strengths and weaknesses
Then align your life and career decisions with them.
“Authenticity isn’t about talking the truth; authenticity is about revealing the search for the true you.”
- Paul Portesi
I hope you enjoyed this dive Below the Surface of Authenticity. Reply to belowthesurfacetop@gmail.com if you have questions or comments. I’d love to hear from you.
Thank you for reading. Be You. And I’ll see you in the next one.