Dive 73: How does your writing read?

When writing or drawing, remove unnecessary fluff to let your ideas stand out.

Hey, it’s Alvin!

One of the most important lessons I learned publishing my newsletter the last couple of years is to publish for a specific audience. Part of that is understanding how a potential reader might interpret your writing. Or how your writing reads to a reader. This applies to the writing and the visuals.

One of the best ways to learn how to do something well is by learning what not to do. So, today, I’ll dive into a social media post below to show you why it flops. I’ll show you how it can be improved and what it means to know how your writing reads even before you reach out to others for feedback.

The tweet is a reminder to “residents” of Ottawa, Canada. Meaning it’s targeting people of all ages. Not just kids. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know any adults who don’t know not to look at the sun without eye protection.

If there are lots of adults in Ottawa who don’t know not to look at the sun without eye protection, then there may be a problem with the Canadian education system.

The tweet frames this as a “reminder.” But again, I don’t know any adult with a healthy instinct for self-preservation who needs a reminder to protect their eyes from a solar eclipse.

So, already, I’m not sure who this tweet is for.

Diving into the text…

Supposedly, it’s a reminder to residents to “keep their health & safety in mind.” If you think about it, that’s a hollow message.

Cautious people already keep their health and safety in mind. All the time. So, this reminder is useless to them.

Reckless people won’t heed this message. That’s what makes them reckless. So, this reminder is useless to them, too.

So, who is this message for?

The sentence breaks the “show; don’t tell” rule. Rather than showing you they care, they’re telling you their job is to remind residents about health and safety. But doing so directs the target of the message away from the viewer to themselves, weakening their message.

We can see this by comparing a few alternatives. The first is the sentence they chose:

1. “We are reminding residents to keep their health and safety in mind during the solar eclipse…”

2. “Residents: remember to stay safe during the solar eclipse…”

3. “Stay safe during the solar eclipse…”

You can see how the first phrase feels impersonal. It doesn’t feel directed towards you (the viewer). It feels like someone describing a task they’re doing at work and it doesn’t involve you. Their message sounds less like they care about you and more like they want to remind you, “don’t forget, we’re important!”

At best, the sentence they chose sends an indirect message about what you should do to stay safe. But all messages promoting public health and safety should be explicit, direct, and clear. There must be no room for misinterpretations.

The second phrase focuses on “residents,” which may include you (the viewer).

The third phrase feels the most personal. No matter who you are. And that’s what you want as a writer if you want your audience to act. Because your audience will not act if they don’t feel the message is meant for them. Notice the third phrase also uses the fewest words.

Again, who is the original message for?

No one.

That’s what makes it a hollow message.

But it’s not just the message that’s hollow. The key visual below the tweet text is just as bland and unfocused. Diffused.

Diving into the visual…

Let’s start with the main sentence.

By capitalizing the ‘s’ in “sun” and making it bright yellow, the word stands out from the rest of the sentence. The emphasis tells us that the “sun” is the most important part of the message.

“Don’t look at the SUN without proper eye protection.”

As opposed to what?

The birds?

I get what they’re trying to do. The designer probably coloured it yellow to match the colour of the sun image on the page so viewers would correlate the two. Since those are the only two elements on the page coloured yellow. But that’s only needed when the image is unclear. The emphasis isn’t needed either. I’ll explain why in a bit. The image of the sun is clearly a sun. It doesn’t need a label. This is an inefficient use of words, images, colour, and emphasis.

The number one rule of visual design is: keep it simple.

My teacher, Janis Ozolins, once said to imagine that each line in a visual consumes a viewer’s energy. So, the goal is to use as few lines as possible to convey your message through visuals. Don’t get me wrong. It’s challenging. I know I haven’t always been successful. But this is a visual that can be simplified. I’ll show you how in a bit.

The focus of the sentence is on the sun. But the sun isn’t even the problem. The problem is the act of staring at the sun. Because staring at the sun for too long can damage your eyes. If a person doesn’t already know why staring at a solar eclipse without proper eye protection is a bad idea, they’d likely want to know why. But this fact isn’t even mentioned on the page.

Not verbally.

Not visually.

Eye protection is the most important takeaway from the visual. But it’s not emphasized at all.

The image of the sun, the moon, and the Earth shows an eclipse. But it’s not obvious at a glance, which is critical because people scroll quickly through social media posts. The only other hint this visual is about a solar eclipse is the URL at the bottom and the text of the tweet above it. The images themselves don’t add to the overall message in any meaningful way. They’re wasted.

Here’s my version:

Obviously, mine doesn’t look as polished. And I’m not suggesting this is the best visual representation of the message. But all the key elements are here. And as you can see, we can achieve a lot more for a lot less.

The most important takeaway message only takes 3 words. “Wear eye protection.” In fact, I’m sure there are ways of portraying this without words at all. Most importantly, every element on the page adds to the message.

To be fair, I didn’t show the consequences of not wearing eye protection either. But that’s easy. Just replace the solar viewers with a pair of burning eyes. Done.

Writing to be read

One of the most important aspects of writing for an audience is to think about how the audience will read your writing. Of course, you can ask for feedback. But you can also develop a sense or taste for when writing smells fishy so you can self-correct before reaching out. Again, this includes the visuals.

The problem with the tweet text is that it’s too impersonal. If the point of your writing is to get your audience off the couch and take action, then your writing must speak to the audience.

“Stay safe during the solar eclipse…” is a much simpler, personal call-to-action that speaks to the reader directly.

Visuals must be free from clutter so the viewer can get the key message fast. Emphasis is reserved for the most important elements. Usually, that’s the takeaway message. Every element in the visual should add to the message to avoid exhausting and confusing the viewer.

These are just a few guidelines.

The key is: when publishing for an audience; you need to consider the audience’s point of view.

Simple. But not easy.

So, how does your writing read?

Reply to belowthesurfacetop@gmail.com or click “Message Alvin” below if you have questions or comments. I’d love the hear from you.

Thank you for reading. Write to be read. And I’ll see you in the next one.