Dive 72: Why hypocrisy is poison

Avoid ineptitude.

Hey, it’s Alvin!

When I was in high school, I remember a friend asking, “if it’s impossible to be perfect, then why bother trying?”

I got what he was saying. I mean, we’re told all the time that “practice makes perfect.” But if perfection is unattainable, then why practice at all?

Except… there was something about that sentiment that left me disappointed. I just couldn’t put it into words back then…

At some point, I was told that because perfection is impossible, we should pursue excellence instead.

But that doesn’t address WHY we should pursue excellence in the first place. I’m looking for the motivational reason for being excellent. So, like many modern folks, I went online in search of answers. The answers I found weren’t that convincing:

• “It’ll keep you focused on growing, getting better, and achieving your greatest potential.”

  • To what end? Why is it important to achieve your greatest potential?

• “To get ahead in life and lead the pack…”

  • Why do I want to lead the pack? What if I don’t want to?

• “Nothing of any real significance happens to people who linger in the status quo.”

  • What’s wrong with living a humble, peaceful life away from the limelight? Why do I have to achieve anything of “real significance”?

None of these answers speak to me. More than anything, these answers convince me that my friend was right. Self-improvement, for its own sake, just sounds like running on a treadmill forever. I don’t see the point. And I’m not trying to “lead the pack” in building the next great Egyptian pyramid. So, why bother trying?

Yet, I do try my best. And I think everyone should. Why?

I said I was unpersuaded by all the reasons I found on why we should pursue excellence. And I realized why. All the reasons I found were self-centered. It’s about…

• YOU, achieving your greatest potential.

• YOU, leading the pack.

• YOU, attaining something of “real significance”.

But the greatest value of excellence is more about what you can do for others. Of course, your ability to serve others affects you, too. But the focus is on others. It’s about achieving your greatest potential so you can better serve others, as great leaders do. Why is that important?

I’ve worked as a software developer for over a decade. I’ve spent years on teams that were always under the gun to roll out features fast. They didn’t care about quality. Sometimes there weren’t even code reviews.

I worked on teams that released features I would not be proud of today. Our clients certainly weren’t. But I didn’t know any better because I was relatively new to the profession. I just thought that was the way things were.

Eventually, I moved onto other software teams that had sky-high standards. Every piece of code I wrote was reviewed with a magnifying glass. A figurative one, of course. My teammates weren’t that old. They would even question the names of the variables and functions I chose. We worked together to make sure that every release was as high quality as possible.

I learned two critical life lessons reflecting on these experiences:

1. The opposite of excellence is not mediocrity, it’s ineptitude.

2. The pursuit of excellence is more about avoiding ineptitude than avoiding mediocrity.

When I worked on teams with low standards, I felt miserable every day. Because I’d release features that (deep down inside) I knew could be much better. Deadlines are deadlines, right? But it meant releasing features my clients didn’t like. And my boss didn’t like. In fact, no one liked. And a feature no one likes is a feature with no value.

Making things of no value over and over again makes you question your time in this world. There were times I asked myself, “what am I doing? Why am I doing this? Is this all I’ll do for the rest of my life?” Because it all felt pointless. It’s easy to get nihilistic and depressed that way.

When you make trash, you feel like trash.

After I joined teams with high standards, those feelings went away. I gained confidence I previously lost because I knew I could make software of value to others. And I felt like I could join any other team and add value.

Excellence improves your ability to help others. Helping others lets you build powerful relationships with people who can also help you achieve your own ambitions. But for me, it’s just as satisfying to make lasting memories with new friends. It starts with adding value, which is more attainable with excellence.

On Hypocrisy

What does all this have to do with hypocrisy?

A common sentiment I see online is that it’s ok if our actions aren’t always aligned with our words. No one’s perfect. Apparently.

But suggesting hypocrisy is “ok” because no one is perfect is EXACTLY the same as my friend who threw his hands up and said, “why bother trying if perfection is impossible?”

Yes, sometimes hypocrisy is inevitable.

Life can be paradoxical. Contradictions happen. But those are usually edge cases.

Mistakes happen. Sure. But as the saying goes, “a mistake made twice is a decision.”

If Bob claims to value kindness, then Bob should strive to be kind all the time. It won’t always work out. But kindness should be the default.

If the outcomes of Bob’s actions never align with Bob’s words and intentions, then Bob either needs to review his values or realign them. Because if Bob always says he’ll help us, but he never does, then we can’t trust Bob.

Bob can’t trust Bob.

You can’t add value if people don’t trust you. And you can’t build relationships without trust. Because no one will accept what you say. The real problem with hypocrisy is not that it happens. The real problem with hypocrisy is that it erodes trust. Gradually. Every instance of hypocrisy is one more drop of poison in the well. There’s a reason modern politicians are hated so much.

Hypocrisy is a poison—it might not kill you in small doses, but there’s an upper limit.

This isn’t just limited to hypocrisy either.

Why bother?

There are plenty of other goals in life that are technically impossible to achieve. And there’s this pervasive modern mentality that, because a goal is (or seems) impossible, it’s not even worth striving for.

We can’t be objective, so why bother trying?

We can’t lose weight, so why bother trying?

We can’t always stick to our principles, so why bother trying?

Perfection may be impossible. But we shouldn’t use that as an excuse for laziness and ineptitude.

Back to my friend’s question, “if it’s impossible to be perfect, then why bother trying?”

For one, when we work harder for those we care about—our parents, children, friends, clients, and teammates—we add more value. We can build powerful relationships and lasting memories. We add meaning to our lives.

At the very least, we avoid the miseries that go with ineptitude.

We’ll never be perfect. But by doing our best anyway, we create a life worth living. You get out of life what you put into it. If you sow no seeds and till no fields, you reap no fruits.

Reply to belowthesurfacetop@gmail.com or click “Message Alvin” below if you have questions or comments. I’d love the hear from you.

Thank you for reading. Avoid ineptitude. And I’ll see you in the next one.