Dive 98: Conformity vs. Rebellion vs. Independence
Hey, it’s Alvin!
I recently had the misfortune of watching one of my favourite YouTubers get addicted to drugs.
Then, get arrested.
I want to share his story because it shows us how easy it is to mistake rebellion for independence. This mistake often emerges from a strong aversion to conformity.
But what do I mean by “rebellion”?
“I don’t care what you think” is a popular mindset. It’s rebellious. But it’s not independent. We’ll dive more into the drug addict’s story to understand this distinction and what true independence means. Because…
The opposite of conformity is not rebellion; it’s independence.
To better understand rebellion and independence, we need to first understand the behaviour hated with a passion in North America.
Conformity
My field of software development has standards and best practices around how code is written, how code is organized, and how the software development team runs day-to-day to maximize productivity.
Every team is different.
We run our team in a way that makes the most of our team’s strengths. So, it’s probably different from how you might run yours. But we each have our own system. Some developers will just follow the rules and standards without ever questioning them.
That’s conformity.
Conformity contributes to team harmony. But it also instils fear of “rocking the boat.” We’re less likely to risk trying a new solution to a problem out of fear it might disrupt the harmony. But if we fear risks enough, we won’t leave our comfort zones. We won’t grow.
Conformity also means sacrificing your own best interests for the sake of the group. Taken to an extreme, the group may force you to do something unethical or immoral.
So, some people advocate for the opposite: rebellion.
Rebellion
In recent months, a live streamer made headlines for being a public nuisance and committing crimes in Japan. He was arrested. When he was released, he left the country, mocking Japan in a separate live stream from afar. When asked why he was being racist in other countries, he said, “for money! For clout! I’ve said it many times: I don’t give a fuck. I have no morals. I’m a fucking sociopath. I don’t give a fuck.” Then, he went to South Korea. There, he continued his crime spree, but the Koreans were not so forgiving…
Not only was he forbidden from leaving the country while under investigation for his crimes, but local Koreans tracked his location. They went where he went to track him down and beat him up for disrespecting their culture. Multiple times.
This is “I don’t give a damn” taken to its logical extreme.
This is rebellion.
“I don’t care what you think.”
Or:
“I don’t care what others think.”
“I’ll do what I want.”
These are rebellious mentalities. But this isn’t any healthier than conformity. Because we each have blind spots. There are people who can see things in ways we can’t on our own. So, it’s vital that we be able to rely on someone we trust to point out our flaws. Once we know our weaknesses, we can shore them up. We can grow. So, we have to care what others think to some extent.
Let me put it this way:
I don’t know a successful business owner who doesn’t care what their customers think.
I don’t know a writer who publishes in public who doesn’t care what their readers think.
I don’t know anyone who loves their family who doesn’t care what their family thinks.
In fact, I watched a man with a wife and children ruin his life before my very eyes. Out of respect, I won’t delve into too many details. But he was a YouTuber I started watching a few years ago. He often spoke about his responsibilities as a husband and father. But he was also a fellow who “didn’t care what others think.” And at the start of last year, I and other long-time viewers started seeing changes…
His streaming schedule started becoming sparser and erratic. Showtimes cut in half. Most long-time viewers agreed he used to be an engaging host. But somehow the show seemed more and more boring. This YouTuber became more lascivious on streams. He seemed to have lost about 70 pounds in five months. His speech often slurred. And on one stream he seemed so inebriated, he almost passed out on camera.
It turns out the cops were also watching.
He was arrested a few days after that stream for drug possession and a couple of other crimes. This was hard to stomach as someone who had never been around hardcore addicts.
I learned that his closest friends and YouTube peers noticed similar changes. For months, they also reached out to help him. He rebuffed each time. To him, it didn’t matter what others thought. He knew what he was doing. He was in control.
Until he was caught.
What this shows is that rebellion taken to its logical extreme is just as destructive on a personal level. When we ignore what others think, we’re ignoring what we think of ourselves. Especially when the feedback is truthful. And if we ignore all feedback under the guise of “not caring what others think,” then we won’t grow.
There’s a better way.
Independence
Rebellion only seems like the opposite of conformity on the surface. But they’re not opposites. In fact, they often go hand-in-hand. Because rebels often establish their own authority that like-minded rebels conform to.
More importantly, conformity and rebellion are two sides of the same coin because both are instinctive reactions to what others demand.
Conformity is unquestioned acceptance of what others demand.
Rebellion is (often unquestioned) active resistance to what others demand.
Both are driven by what others demand. So, the opposite would be something driven by what we demand of ourselves. We call this something, Independence.
If conformity is: “I’ll do what you want.”
And rebellion is: “I’ll do what I want.”
Then independence is: “I’ll do what makes the most sense to me.”
Independence invites nuance. Here’s what I mean:
Let’s say our software has a bug, and a developer is assigned to fix it. The developer returns to us and says, “here’s my solution.”
The conformist would respond, “let’s go with that.” No questions asked.
The rebel would respond, “screw that. I have another (better) solution. Let’s go with mine.”
The independent would respond, “let’s come up with a couple of alternatives and evaluate them together to find the best way forward.”
It’s possible that the chosen solution is what the conformist or rebel would have chosen. But it’s just as possible that the chosen solution is neither. Or it could be a combination of both. Notice how the number of possible solutions expands with independent thinking. Because the solution space is larger, we’re more likely to find the solution that best satisfies our clients, users, business, and team.
I was once stranded on a crowded subway/metro platform on my way to work. Here, I had a chance to conform, rebel or think independently.
There was a problem at a station further along the line. So, all the passengers on my train were offloaded at a station that was a few stops back. As our train pulled into the station, the platform was already crowded. I guess the previous train also offloaded all of its passengers.
I squeezed my way past the human sardines so I wouldn’t have to stand on the edge of the platform. Now safer, with my back up against the station wall, I hear a subway station attendant ushering people up to street level. She explained that the next trains would be offloading passengers, so the platform had to be cleared for those passengers to disembark safely. I could’ve conformed, following the crowd upstairs, but…
I knew from commuting experience that most of our transit delays resolve in about 10 minutes. Now that the platform was mostly empty, it was no longer unsafe. But I knew there would be a crush load of people at street level. So, I thought it’d be best to stay put for, at least, a few minutes.
As the platform cleared and the next train arrived, there was an announcement that the issue was resolved. So, the next train did not offload any passengers. In fact, I could get on!
I didn’t stay put to “stick it up to” the… station attendant. Or the transit agency. If the subway was going to be shut down for hours, I would’ve left with the crowd anyway. But given the situation, I thought staying on the platform made the most sense for me. And it did. That’s the value of independent thinking. It reveals the best solutions to a problem.
You can’t grow if you conform too much because you’ll cut yourself off from opportunities that risk pissing off somebody.
You can’t grow if you rebel too much because you’ll cut yourself off from the constructive feedback needed to improve in areas you can’t see.
Independent decision making opens the mind to growth because it eschews the mindless acceptance and rejection of ideas based on who’s presenting them. Instead, independence requires conscious critical thinking to find the best path forward based on the facts available. To think independently is to hear what others have to say, but how we act on what’s said is a separate matter. That’s why:
The true opposite of conformity is not rebellion; it’s independence.
For readers following this newsletter’s Flip the Frame series, this is an example of flipping an assumption. Today, we flipped the assumption that “the opposite of conformity is rebellion” to better understand the relationship between the two. If you want to know more about how you can Flip the Frame to better understand the world, check out this Dive:
Reply to belowthesurfacetop@gmail.com or click “Message Alvin” below if you have questions or comments. I’d love the hear from you.
Thank you for reading. Think Independent. And I’ll see you in the next one.