Dive 102: How a handshake leads to self-improvement
Hey, it’s Alvin!
What if I told you that even a simple handshake can be an opportunity for self-improvement?
It’s possible you’ve experienced this firsthand or maybe you’ve seen this in a competition.
But imagine a tennis player. It’s match point for the player serving the ball.
The player serves the ball.
It’s an ace.
Game, set, and match.
Then what happens?
The winner celebrates. Gazes up towards the sky. Arms raised as if welcoming heaven’s embrace. Years of toiling and battling brings the winner’s knees to the ground. Hands now covering the eyes as tears of joy stream down the winner’s face.
But it’s not long before the winner must get up and keep composure.
It’s time.
The two opponents shake hands with each other.
Then, they each shake hands with the umpire.
Good game. Good game.
Courage
Shaking hands with my opponent at the end of a competition was a ritual I was taught as a kid. It didn’t matter whether the competition was fierce. It didn’t matter whether I won or lost.
My friend was a taekwondo student. He was already familiar with the ritual before I was. So, I asked him why we do it. He explained that it’s good sportsmanship. I kind of got what he meant. It’s about being a good sport and respecting your opponent. What does that mean?
It means you’ll fight fiercely to win on the court no matter what. But by reaching out to your opponent with a friendly gesture, you show your opponent that you harbour no animus. You are a friend and you can help each other beyond the arena. And the handshake is more than just an opportunity to foster new friendships. It builds character.
The post-game handshake is a great way to practice courage. Some people hate helping their opponents out of fear their opponents will beat them next time. That’s cowardly. And it shows an unwillingness to improve. Which brings us to another way the post-game handshake is important for you.
Self-Improvement
I know there are rebels with a posh attitude who (sometimes) refuse the post-game handshake.
Maybe their opponent believes in something they disagree with.
Maybe their opponent did something wrong.
Maybe they just don’t like their opponent.
Their fans might laud them for being “cool” in a rebellious way. But not only is avoiding the post-game handshake cowardly and immature, it’s a missed opportunity for personal growth. Because the handshake is more than just a handshake.
If you want to get more out of a post-game handshake, think of something your opponent did well and compliment your opponent on it when you shake hands. Like:
“Hey, you had me on the tips of my toes during that last baseline rally. That was awesome!”
Yes, it elevates your opponent. Do you know what else it does? Most likely you noticed a strength in your opponent you could improve in yourself. Because there were likely moments within the game where your opponent outplayed you.
Humility
Let’s say you won the game.
Identifying strengths in your opponent doesn’t just highlight areas where you could improve. It highlights that you did not “deserve” the win.
You did not win for free.
You had to work for it because your opponent made you work for it. If you didn’t work hard enough, you could have lost. Your opponent was tough. Holding their ground and fighting back. And for that reason, your opponent deserves respect. What does this have to do with the post-game handshake?
When you shake hands and acknowledge your opponent’s strengths with sincerity, you’re humbling yourself.
You won. That’s great. Celebrate. But you’re still imperfect. There were still ways your opponent could have beaten you. You could still lose next time. Especially if you fail to acknowledge your own flaws and address them.
So, your post-game handshake with your opponent is also a promissory handshake with yourself to face your flaws and do even better next time.
What if there’s no opponent?
It is possible to “win” in situations where there may not be an opponent.
I’m mostly thinking about personal accomplishments. Like:
Swimming the furthest you’ve ever swum before.
Turning a profit with your homemade product.
Building your first software.
And self-promotion can be important. For example, if you’re looking for software jobs, you want people to know about the software you built. As my friend,
, used to say: “Add value. Make noise.”If you made value-adding software, you want to “make noise,” so people know about it. The more people know about it, the more likely you’ll find opportunities to add more value. But if you’re anything like me, you might be wary of self-promotion.
I don’t want to be like one of those snobs who brags about how many books they read or the types of books they read. I don’t want to make the mistake of looking down on anyone. Because if I do, I risk blinding myself to knowledge that could elevate me to new heights. Never make the mistake of assuming someone is “too stupid” to offer you anything valuable. So, I wondered how I could avoid becoming too arrogant. The post-game handshake holds the key.
Even when we have no opponent, there are still people around we can learn from. In fact, I’m a firm believer that we can learn something from anyone. By acknowledging the strengths of those around us and learning from them, we keep our egos in check.
So, I use the rule-of-thumb that if I’m going to promote myself, I must also find time to promote others. If you’re a long-time reader of this newsletter, you know I like writing about those who inspired me over the years. I have my share of arrogance. Sure. But I’m not afraid to keep myself honest by acknowledging the strengths of my peers. And neither should you.
Who would’ve thought a simple handshake could mean so much?
Reply to belowthesurfacetop@gmail.com or click “Message Alvin” below if you have questions or comments. I’d love the hear from you.
Thank you for reading. Shake hands with your opponents. And I’ll see you in the next one.